Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
