Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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