He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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