girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
