New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
