I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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