I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize