how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
