i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
