it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
