i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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