it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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