hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
