why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
