I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
