dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
