VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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