living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
