You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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