I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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