I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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