Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
