Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
