Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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