pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
