I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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