how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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