Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize