i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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