i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
