Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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