I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
