So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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