Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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