well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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