I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
