the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
