i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
