There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
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shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
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My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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