is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
