ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
