Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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