I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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