So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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