I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
