I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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