I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
