at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
