u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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