I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
