saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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