Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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