Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
