I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
