You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
