I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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