It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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