Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
