I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
