I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
