It's Friday. Sex?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
