I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
