My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
