i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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