Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
