gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize