hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
