i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
