i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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