I just gift wrapped bread.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
