if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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