I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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