Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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