At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
