Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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