just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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