I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I am available for nakedness
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
