I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
