dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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